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Tag Archives: relationships

My Sister is Leaving Me


Me and my sister

Everyone that knows me knows that I do not like to get all mushy about my feelings and it is really rare for me to tell you how I feel.  I wanted to express to my sister, Whitney Dionne Ellis, how much I love her and of course I cannot tell her because I do not want to cry.  This is the best way I could think of to tell her and she will have a constant reminder.  This is for you sister.

Whitney,

I remember when mom brought you home.  I was so happy to have a sister.  For so long it was just me and Pumpkin, we both know how weird he is.  Seriously, we were great together but when you came I had someone just like me.  I immediately wanted to help take care of you and that’s what I did.  Every time we went anywhere you would scream your head off because you hated that car seat.  I would pick you up and hold you in my arms to get you to calm down.  (This was before they set the safety standards of course.)  I can remember dressing you and doing your hair.  As I got older you used to want to tag-a-long behind me and I hated that.  I did not understand that I was an example for you.  I promised myself that I would always take care of you.

You are a very beautiful young woman.  I am so thankful and grateful that you came to stay with me and I loved our time together.  I really appreciate your help in my time of need.  You are not just my sister but you’re my best friend.  Now that you are leaving for Indonesia with the Peace Corps, I am afraid.  You are going to be so far away, how will I be able to protect you?  I won’t be able to talk to you when I want.  Nevertheless, I am so proud of you for stepping out on faith and taking this journey in your life.  I was so supportive and excited for you when you decided to do this but know that the reality is setting in and the time is drawing near my heart is breaking.  I apologize for not being strong throughout.  I know that you will be fine and that you have an assignment to fulfill, not just with the Peace Corps.  I love you and you better Skype with me as often as you can.  I wanted to write so much more but I keep crying so I am going to stop.

Love,

Your Big Sis

Friends With an Ex


Hello Ms. Tangled,
 
I was just thinking about what a shame it is that some people do not know how to be broken up! and I was wondering what your thoughts were on being friends with ex lovers??
 
anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Break ups are usually nasty to begin with.  There are a lot of hurt emotions that must be dealt with, if they were not resolved prior to the break up.  I believe that when a couple breaks up they should take some time to themselves to “regroup”.  There are those instances where an ex just hangs around and doesn’t quit get the hint that they’re actually not still together.  It screams desperate and a bit stalkerish.  I have heard far too often when people break up they use the classic line, “Let’s just be friends” but really.  If you were sexually involved with one another that may prove to be really difficult to uphold because that soul tie will always be there.  Especially if one should move on you really do not want your ex, now friend, hanging around. Talk about awkward.  I’m not saying that it isn’t possible to be friends with an ex.  I think once you are over those feelings for them it is totally possible.  Although I would advise that you both move on.  You don’t want to cause any further complications.

If you have children with an ex I feel that you definitely should try to be friends if not kosher with one another for the sake of the child.  You DO NOT want to constantly be fighting with one another about everything and every time the other calls.  You don’t have to just deal with this person until your child turns 18 but when they go to college, get married and have children.  The two of you are going to have to be in each others lives for, forever.  Why not make it peaceful for the sake of your child.  I feel that those that purposely create “drama” whether the father or mother still have an emotional attachment to the other that they are not ready to get over.  The drama maker only makes it worse for themselves because as that child gets older you may be the parent that they choose to leave out of their happiness because you always bring the “drama”. 

It’s surely is possible to be friends once you have dealt with those emotions and have moved on and know for certain that you don’t want to go back down that road with them.  I’m just saying. 🙂

The Dilemma…What Would You Do?


If you saw a friends’ significant other having an inappropriate relationship with someone else would you tell them?  Would you confront the significant other?  What would you do about it?  Vince Vaughn‘s most recent film entitled “The Dilemma” posed these same questions.  Vaughn’s character  trying to find right timing to tell his friend that his wife was having an affair.

I ask this because I found myself in a similar situation.  Someone I was good friends with had visitors at their home and I felt that one of the ladies was acting inappropriately by flirting with her husband.  Every time my friends’ attention was preoccupied she would say and do things that a person shouldn’t do with another persons mate.  Well I told her that I felt what I saw was wrong.  She confronted the woman and it was decided among them that it wasn’t like that and that I was wrong for saying anything.  Ultimately, she stopped speaking to me, is still friends with the other lady.  So, I say keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.  Even with the best intentions at heart it will not be appreciated that way.  When you get into people’s relationships it is a sticky subject and you’ll probably walk away looking like the bad guy.  I’m just saying!

Friends…who needs ’em?


So I’m talking on the phone with a long time friend and we begin discussing how as you get older and more content with being by yourself you have less tolerance for things you use to put up with when you were younger.  Toxic friends and our little pet peeves about friendships that’s what I want to share.

Years ago I got to know a lady through my children‘s football league.  In the beginning we hit it off well but the relationship gradually started to change for the worse.  My children really didn’t get along with her children and they would get irritated when I told them they were coming over.  Anytime she would call me it was always hey girl what you doing today, tomorrow, next week.  She had my days planned for me before I could plan them and she wasn’t one that understood NO.  Gradually I had to stop answering her calls until she finally left me alone.  You may say was cruel or wrong.  I say, I had to get away from her and fast.  I’m just saying.

Then there are the friends that always want you to come and see them.  They never come to your house you always have to make the trip to their home. It’s more convenient for them if you get off your butt and visit.   My biggest pet peeve are the one’s that YOU make plans to hang out with your children or one another together and at the last-minute they ALWAYS have a reason why they can’t make it BUT when THEY make the plans you better jump and do what they have planned.

I definitely hate when someone calls me and most of the conversation is filled with them talking to EVERYONE in the background.  Hey you knew you were busy when you called me, call me back when it’s not so hectic.

Now I know I’m not perfect and I try not to be the offender.  If I am please bring it to my attention so it can get fixed.  All I’m saying is please try to be the best friend you can be because if not who needs ya.  I’m just saying.

Is sexting grounds for divorce?


I bring up this topic because of the divorce between Tony Parker and Eva Longoria.  He was accused of sexting another player’s wife or ex-wife.  The details are neither here nor there as I’m not in their relationship to say what actually happened.  IF sexting was the offense, I’m not sure if it warrants divorcing.  Couples today experience a lot of adversity today and I don’t believe that you should give up quickly on your relationship.  I’m a firm believer that marriage is work and that you should not allow ANYONE to come in and try to tear down what you have built or are building together.  You have to fight hard to stay together.  Problems arise when you withhold those inner most desires and emotions from your partner out of fear that they wouldn’t understand or not be willing to meet your “kinky” little fantasies.  You have to be able to be comfortable enough to trust your partner with all of you, even the parts of you that you try to hide from the rest of us.  You’d be surprised that they’re thinking and feeling the same way.  I have known several people who feel adultery is the death to all marriage while I’ve known others that fought past that to go on to have the best relationship and are happier than before.  If you’ve vowed to be with one another “til death do us part” as least give it ALL of your blood, sweat and tears to make it work.  I’m not saying Eva and Tony didn’t but if “sexting” was the offense then that could have been fixed.  I’M JUST SAYING.