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What You Not Gonna Do Is…Part Deux


Cause some of y’all act like you don’t have any home training.  We gotta come behind your parents and re-raise you.  lol jk So here’s What You Not Gonna Do Is…Part Deux.  I have added a few from the suggestions I have gotten and given credit to the originator.  Enjoy!

What You Not Gonna Do Is…

1. Know someone is dead wrong but you find a reason why they still a good person, especially when you don’t even know them.  ie The momma who killed her kids.

2.  Not pay child support for the kids you got but keep making more babies!<—Sherita

3.  Wait ’til your child is 18 to tell the daddy or your husband that the child is not his.

4.  Hold up the gym equipment talking on your cell phone.  You came to the gym to workout not socialize.<—Darcy

5.  Have a conversation with people and because you have a New York accent you try to out talk EVERYBODY.

6.  As a grown woman you should not own, wear, or borrow any article of clothing that bears such sayings as “Baby Girl”, “Diva”, “Ghetto Fabulous”, “Sexy”, “Gold Digga”…you get my drift.

7.  Not tell your friend she looks a hot mess.

8.  Be over the age of 40 and have body piercings except for your ears.

9.  Be too matchy matchy.  You shouldn’t have a pink shirt, belt, headband, shoes and nails.

10.Wait ’til tax time to become a baller, knowing good and well you are gonna be back on Section 8 by April or having to return that mess.

11.Not wear a bra when you leave the house…no explanation needed.

12.Assume your man or woman can read your mind…let them know exactly what you want.

13. “Play dumb” solely for the purpose of flirting…it is not cute.

14. Hit a man without expecting negative repercussions or getting a concussion.  Keep your hands to yourself.

15. Force your children to have the talent you never had, then get mad cause they aren’t good at it.

16. Slash tires, bust windows, key the exterior, spray paint vulgar words on your mates vehicle-especially if you’re gonna help get the car fixed once you calm down.

17. Brag about how your man loves you cause he’s there when you need him, not acknowledging it’s because he doesn’t have a job nor a car.

18. Be divorced for years still trying to keep tabs on your ex by attempting to pick information from your grown children…it’s over, everyone knows except you.

19. Date an older person and then complain about how old they act.

20. Give your child a toy at the store to shut them up while you shop and then get rid of it before you check out…it’s child abuse. 😀 (I’ve done this lol)

21. Tell your children your new boyfriend is their uncle…this will only confuse them in the long run.

22. Try to carry on a bag that needs to be checked, holding up the plane.<—Whitney

23. Have a camel toe…check yourself woman!

24. Wear colored undergarmets under white…it’s tacky.

25. Date your friends ex cause they’re fine.

26. Attempt to sell something used for the new price.

27. Get married to someone you know slept around beforehand and be surprised when it happens in your marriage.

28. Use Facebook to rant about your job and wonder why you lost your job.

29. Be a man and think you control the remote to the TV.

30. Watch the food network, concoct a meal and then force someone to eat it…you’re not a gourmet chef.

31. Watch the food network knowing you don’t cook.

32. Go in debt buying everything from the infomercials…then be mad cause it doesn’t work like they said it should. SHAM-WOW!

33. Every-time you update your Facebook status it’s depressing.

34. Be mad at your mate for not getting you a Valentines gift but you get whatever you want every other day.

35. Keep your apartment dirty and scared to call the landlord to fix stuff cause you have to clean up.

36. Buy a bunch of junk you don’t need and not pay your rent or car payment… take care of home first.

37. When you see a tow truck in your neighborhood you automatically assume they coming to get your car.

38. Blame the teacher cause your child got a bad grade.

39. Live up North and complain about the snow…move!

40. Go to a remote location in the world where they have unheard of diseases and wonder how you got sick.

41. Dress your baby girl like a baby hooker and wonder why she’s pregnant at 11…you’re sending the wrong message.

42. Broadcast your business on Facebook and turn around and tell people to stay out of your business.

43. Rant about someone on Facebook and then use their initials like we don’t know who you talking about.

44. Ship your children off to their grandparents for the summer talking about they need some discipline.

45. Delete people on Facebook thinking you really hurting them in real life…get it together.

46. Blame the devil or God for everything bad that happens to you.

47. Make up your own religion.

48. Dress like you going to the club just to go to Wal-Mart.

49. Wear UGG boots in the summer.

50. Beg your man to hit you and when he does you call the cops.(Sounds unheard of but it happens. )

51. Use your children as leverage against their father…because it didn’t work out with you and the father you do not have the right to interfere in their relationship, GROW UP!

52. Have children for your financial gain.  ie, child support, section 8, etc.

53. Have children to trap a man.

54. Be rich acting like a hood rat on TV. (All the real housewives, baller wives, etc)

55. Yell across the mall or store at your friend.

56. Watch Forensic Files to educate yourself on how to commit a homicide and get away with it.

57. Sleep with everyone at your job and wonder why you’re not getting promoted.

58. Have an argument in public and tell everyone to mind they business.

59. Have your income tax check spent before you get it.

60. Pass gas, not say anything, and then apologize once someone smells it.

61. Blame your kids for your breakdown.

62. Stay up late and wonder why you are so tired. 😀

63. Butt in my conversation when no one is talking to you or called your name…nosey.

64. Use big words and not know what they mean.

65. Try everything celebrities tell you to try.

66. Influence me to try some illegals drugs cause it make you feel good.

67. Start experimenting with drugs as an adult like you don’t know any better…you already know the outcome.

68. Have grown children and not encourage them to be independent.

69. Do what they do in rap videos.

70. Live your life based on your horoscope predictions.

71. Think because you’re black and its black history month you can do and say what you want. ( Just telling you what I’ve seen and heard.)

72. Be rude to someone and you don’t even know them.

73. Use patio furniture inside the house like it’s a living room set.

74. Buy an electric car and be mad at the electric company  because your bill is too high.

75. Get a tattoo in remembrance of everybody you know that dies.

76. Yell at the actors during a movie like they can hear you. lol

77. Consider yourself someone’s friend and tell all their business to everyone behind their back…you are not their friend.

78. Spend Valentines day stalking your ex.

79. Go to the movies with your kids and break out ziplock bags of snacks. (I’ve done this)

80. Think everyone is out to steal your pin when you swipe your card at the store-you do realize they need the card number as well.

81. Call people while you are pooping…hello people can tell you’re in the bathroom. 😀

82. Hit someone and not expect them to hit you back.

83. Say and do hurtful things to your mate and wonder why they don’t want to be with you anymore…psst it’s because they can’t trust you with their most intimate emotions.

84. Be talking loud in public and get mad when someone tells you to shut up.

85. Steal something from someone and then floss it in front of them.

86. Tell your mate to get out and get mad when they pack their stuff and leave then beg them to stay…stop playing with people emotions, trying to control them.

87. When you leave, act like you forgot something just so you can come back. 😀

88. Spy on your ex through their family members.

89. Hide your vehicle cause you know you haven’t been making your payments.

90. Get mad cause you were eavesdropping on people and realize they were talking about you.

91. Come to my house blow up my toilet and leave stains…you nasty.

92. Get mad when you lose at a board game. rotflmbo(my family is so guilty of this…we HATE to lose even if it’s Trouble. :D)

93. Shoot someone over a game of Spades…people get mad when you renege. 😀

94. Try to pick up women in a minivan…go home to your wife and kids.

95. Think you look cool in your minivan.

96. Put 22″ rims on your minivan…it’s a family vehicle it looks just plain silly.

97. Try on new shoes with holes in your socks.

98. Let someone use your bathroom and you haven’t cleaned it…that’s why I wait ’til I get home.

99. Have expensive rims and sound system on your car when it’s falling apart.

100. Commit an offense that is going to end up on my next “What You Not Gonna Do Is…” list.

This is for entertainment purposes.  I hope you enjoyed it. 😉

Friends With an Ex


Hello Ms. Tangled,
 
I was just thinking about what a shame it is that some people do not know how to be broken up! and I was wondering what your thoughts were on being friends with ex lovers??
 
anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Break ups are usually nasty to begin with.  There are a lot of hurt emotions that must be dealt with, if they were not resolved prior to the break up.  I believe that when a couple breaks up they should take some time to themselves to “regroup”.  There are those instances where an ex just hangs around and doesn’t quit get the hint that they’re actually not still together.  It screams desperate and a bit stalkerish.  I have heard far too often when people break up they use the classic line, “Let’s just be friends” but really.  If you were sexually involved with one another that may prove to be really difficult to uphold because that soul tie will always be there.  Especially if one should move on you really do not want your ex, now friend, hanging around. Talk about awkward.  I’m not saying that it isn’t possible to be friends with an ex.  I think once you are over those feelings for them it is totally possible.  Although I would advise that you both move on.  You don’t want to cause any further complications.

If you have children with an ex I feel that you definitely should try to be friends if not kosher with one another for the sake of the child.  You DO NOT want to constantly be fighting with one another about everything and every time the other calls.  You don’t have to just deal with this person until your child turns 18 but when they go to college, get married and have children.  The two of you are going to have to be in each others lives for, forever.  Why not make it peaceful for the sake of your child.  I feel that those that purposely create “drama” whether the father or mother still have an emotional attachment to the other that they are not ready to get over.  The drama maker only makes it worse for themselves because as that child gets older you may be the parent that they choose to leave out of their happiness because you always bring the “drama”. 

It’s surely is possible to be friends once you have dealt with those emotions and have moved on and know for certain that you don’t want to go back down that road with them.  I’m just saying. 🙂

He Has Put His Foot Down!


For as long as I can remember I have been a night owl.  I remember as a little girl while everyone slept I was wide awake.  To occupy my time I would lie in bed and read or just stare out the window.  I have tried on numerous occassions to go to bed early but by 10pm I am wide awake.  I know that my sleeping habits are a problem.  Last night I briefly told my husband that I have to do better for my baby boy.  As long as I’m awake my papa bear is up with me.  Two nights this week we were up until 3 and 4am.  I know, I feel awful about this.  That’s why I was talking to my husband about it.  The whole point in telling Jeremiah my problem was to confess  and accept that, “I have a problem”.  My plan was to go to the doctor for help.  Noooo, my dear husband took it upon himself to fix my problem.

I usually go to bed with the laptop so if I have an idea all I need to do is reach under the bed and grab it.  Look I know that this is part of my problem. 🙂 Moving on.  So last night I go to bed, not to sleep but to watch TV.  I noticed that my husband had already sent the boys to bed at 9pm, even my baby boy.  My baby wasn’t asleep but as usual he was in bed watching TV, playing.  😀  My show came on at 10pm and Jeremiah watched it with me.  Afterward we watched part of my recording of Teen Mom 2.  At 11pm I pick up my laptop to tend to my city in CityVille.  As I got into my city, Jeremiah tells me to turn off the laptop and go to bed.  What!  Me!  Wait a minute who was he talking to.  Obviously not me.  Oh but he was talking to me.   I tried to put up a fight and he wasn’t having it.  My husband put his foot down.  Meany.  😦 I told him I was going to sleep when Teen Mom was over and he sternly replies, “go to bed“. I even tried the puppy dog face, he always falls for the puppy dog face.  NOTHING! Can you believe he rolled over.  Awful right? Needless to say I was in the bed by 11:30 pm.  I tossed and turned for a few minutes and was out.  I’m up now at 0630 feeling pretty good.  My husband is still a meany.  I guess there’s no need to go to the doctor because Dr. Evans has just what I need.  😀 To put his foot down and give me a bed time.

I Want to Honor Good Men


Far too often men are cast in a negative light.  I want to stop and take a moment to show my appreciation.  Not all men are “dogs”.  There are so many that are doing all they can for themselves, their family, their children, friends and their communities.

First I would like to thank my daddy.  He was never a man to show much emotion but as I look back through my life I can

My dad with my mom and his grandsons

 see the many ways he showed us he loved us.  When I was a little girl I used to swear my daddy didn’t love me when he would get on me for acting up.  I now know he disciplined me because he loved me and wanted the best for me and from me.  We were actually quite spoiled, we still are.  🙂  My dad will do all he can for his children.  Through my child eyes he was huge, my dad is 6’6″ so he really is tall.  His hands were enormous in comparison to mine or anyone else I know.  I used to tell people, “my dad can do anything”, I still think that.  There is no one like my dad.  He’s funny and patient.  My father works long and hard to provide for his family. We have PCS’d 4 times stateside and each time my father has driven my vehicle cause I don’t want to drive the long hours.  I ask and he’s there.  He’s done the same for my other siblings as well.  He’s an awesome grandpa to his four grandsons.  He spoils them too.  Thank you daddy for being the best father you know how.

Me and my hubby

My hubby, Jeremiah Evans, is the love of my life.  We’ve been married 11 years and have the greatest three boys together.  This man literally swept me off my feet, he used to carry me around base on his shoulders. lol   I have never known love like I’ve known it with him.  I almost ruined it with the baggage of my past but him being the patient man that he is, loved me through it all.  We have been through so much together, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Our relationship has truly been tested through the years.  No matter what we’ve been through we dug our heels in and worked it out.  Jeremiah is a loving and devoted man to his family.  He sacrifices so much for us and rarely complains.  I know that he would lay down his life for us without a question.  Not only does he sacrifice for his family but for his country as well.  He does his duty to protect and maintain the freedoms we have today.  He has missed two births, birthdays, anniversaries and holidays serving his country abroad.  He does what is required of him in all that he does.  He is a joy to be around and can lighten any room.  Thank you husband and father of our children for being the best man you can be against the odds.

My father-in-law, James Evans.  Oh my what an amazing man.  I got to really know my father-in-law, who I call dad,

My father-in-law and hubby with our baby boy

 when my husband was deployed.  Prior to my husband’s last deployment my dad, who never flew on a plane before, got on a plane from Virginia bound for Texas to see us for Christmas.  That meant so much to me.  While my husband was on tour my dad called everyday to check on us and we talked for hours about everything.  Dad got me through a lot of days when I was stressed and overwhelmed, missing my hubby.  He made me laugh and listened to me vent.  He always has a piece of wisdom that he ends our conversations with.  My father-in-law taught my husband how to be a man and has always been there for his children.  Thank you dad for letting me be your “baby girl” too, treating me just like your daughter.

I want to say thank you to the men that take care of their children.  The men that make sacrifices for their families, being good husbands and fathers.  Even the men that pick up the slack and take care of children that are not theirs biologically.  Working long hours and sometimes multiple jobs,  even while attending school.  The single fathers that rarely receive any admiration doing all they can.   The soldiers away from their family for a year at a time-serving their country, thank you.  The firefighters and policemen that put their lives on the line as well.   Whatever your line of work, thank you.  Your hard work does not go unseen.  THANK YOU!  I’m just saying.

Facing ADHD


Me and my son at a football game

Eleven years ago my second son was born, four weeks early, he was a perfect 6lbs 13oz.   As he started to get older I started noticing that there was something “different” with him.  He hated the sunlight.  At the time we lived in El Paso, TX, the Sun City.  Every time we would go out we had to keep his face covered because he could not stand the sun.  He was also very sensitive to noise.  Loud clapping, cheering or talking would startle him and he would scream in fear.  There were days where my little infant baby would just scream all day.  As a young mother of two young boys I did not know what to do other than call my mom.  There were several days I would sit and cry with him because I could not figure out what was wrong.  People suggested that if I had done all I could, to leave him in his crib and let him cry it out.  I reluctantly tried their suggestions to no avail.  He would scream at the top of his lungs incessantly until he was red in the face.  He never grew tired.  I could not stand to leave him in the crib crying.  He would have these fits often.  I dreaded going anywhere in public with him because the noise would aggravate him and he would scream throughout the outing.  I took him to his pediatrician, telling him that something was not right with my baby, only to be met with blank stares and treated as if I were overreacting.  So until he was about nine months I would just sit home and cry with him.  Looking back it’s kind of funny now.  😀 He gradually started to get better and as time went on everything seemed fine.

When he was around two years of age, I noticed that he would stay up really late wanting to play and get up very early.  Trying to send him to bed early was futile, he had so much energy.  Every morning as he awoke, he would not disturb anyone. He’d go straight to the backyard and shoot basketball for hours.  Shooting basketball seemed to calm him and he loved it, so I would sit and watch him. 

 At three years of age he entered head start.  That’s when the behavior problems began.  His  teacher called us in constantly.  She expressed that he had a hard time sitting still, he would wander around the class during instruction, and have tantrums.  She stated no one could get through to him, that it was as if he didn’t hear them.  My husband and I would talk to him and tell him that he needed to be a good boy and listen to the teacher. 

One day my husband and I were called in to pick him up because he was having an uncontrollable tantrum. When we arrived we saw our little man fighting the teacher off as she tried to contain him.  He was removed from the school because they felt he “wasn’t ready”.  I was so hurt.  I didn’t know why he was acting this way.  People from the outside looking in said he was bad and needed more discipline.  We were told we needed to spank him more or start if we weren’t.  I knew that something wasn’t right and took him back to the doctor.  I was ignored…again.

The time came for him to start Kindergarten.  He was excited and ready for school.  He was a bit older and I thought the behavior problems were behind us.  I was wrong.  I was called to his school so much I should have worked there.  It was affecting my paying  job.  I was losing hours and pay.  Early one morning I was called to the school because my son was having a violent fit on the bus and that he was upset and I needed to come to the school.  I told my boss and he told me that this was a problem, that if I had to leave work again I would be fired.  I was at my wits ends.  On the drive to my son’s school I cried uncontrollably.  I signed him out of school and took him to the emergency room.  I insisted that my son needed to be seen.  That he was a harm to himself and others with is uncontrollable tantrums.  I will never forget the ER doctor that saw us.  She said, “mom I have been in your place.  I begged physicians to help me with my son when he was a child and I was ignored, I am going to help you”.  She told me that her son did not receive help until he tried to harm himself.  Sitting in the chair bouncing around looking sweet and innocent was my baby.  I wanted help for him.  She asked him a few questions and he bounced in he seat, speaking rapidly jumping from subject to subject, swinging his feet and playing with his hands.  I told her that for as long as I could remember he behaved like that and his physician kept telling me nothing was wrong.  We were referred to a psychologist who diagnosed my 5-year-old with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD. 

I finally agreed to medication therapy and in the beginning it worked.  For about three years medications were increased and even changed  a few times.  I will not give the brand names but the first medication was a type that was gradually released in his system through the day with him having to take a second dose at school.  It worked well until his system got used to it and they kept having to increase it.  Finally a psychiatrist prescribed a Methylphenidate as treatment.  It was stronger than the previous treatment he said but he would only need it once a day.  Young and naive, trusting that a doctor would not put my child in harm’s way, I gave it to him.  That is a decision I will live to regret.  I watched my son closely for side effects from this new medication and noticed that he did not have much of an appetite.  I reported that back to his doctor who in turn instructed me to change the time I gave him the medication.   I did as instructed and his appetite picked up.  After three weeks I noticed that my son was constantly rubbing his eyes until they were red and scratching.  One evening he started saying something was crawling on him.  He scratched until he broke the skin.  We kept reassuring him that nothing was crawling on him and gave him a bath.  He seemed better.  During the night we awoke to him screaming and banging his head on his bed.  He kept yelling, “they keep crawling on me”.  We looked and nothing was there.  I rocked him to sleep and first thing the next morning I had him at the hospital.  By this time we had a new physician and he stated that my son experienced a “psychotic break” from the medication he was prescribed.  He advised me to gradually ween him off the medication because if I suddenly stopped he would experience withdrawals symptoms like that of a heroin addict.  I was floored.  In that moment I felt I had failed my son.  I determined within myself that I was not going to fail him EVER again.  I refuse to medicate him so someone can have an easier time doing their job.

From that moment on I became my son’s advocate.  I stopped giving him medications and refused to let ANYONE tell me he needed them.  They were not there as I cradled him trying to calm him that night.  I worked one on one with his teachers and the schools.  It was tiring with four boys.  Advocating for my son was a full-time job and my other relationships were lacking.  We had many uphill battles for about two years.  In 2008 he was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  His physician said that sleep apnea in children can sometimes cause them to have behavioral issues.  Once he had his tonsils and adenoids removed we noticed a real difference in his behavior.

Today he is medication free.  He is in fifth grade and doing well.  I’m not having to be called to his school often, which is

My big man

 great.  He still has some problems paying attention but he is not as disruptive as he used to be.  NO MORE FITS OF RAGE!  He has lots of friends and his teachers love him.  A long way from years earlier.  He has a loving spirit and deeply cares about the welfare of others.  He is very much into his appearance and loves to look good.  He is very artistic and quite the comedian.  He still loves basketball.  He has a beautiful mind.   He tries hard to control himself because he knows he has a little more energy than most.  We told him that his energy was his super power and that was why he runs so fast.  🙂 His favorite super hero is the Green Lantern.  He recently won 1st place out of the fifth grade classes in his school for his drawing of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. We’ve come a long way together. He’s doing just fine.

I am in no way saying that medication therapy is wrong.  For some it works great.  For my son it did not.  I try to watch his diet.  We stay away from lots of sweets and soda.  He loves his fresh fruits.  Pineapple and apples are his favorite snack.  I advise parents to try other methods like behavior and homeopathic treatments before placing their children on meds.  I tell them IF they have to use medication to do their research and to watch their child closely.  You MUST BE your childs advocate.  I’m just saying!

My sons


I have four sons and of course they’re girl crazy, even the baby.  I’m glad they like girls.  Why is it that when they talk about their little “girlfriends” I get uneasy?  I promised myself that I would be the mom that my boys could talk to about anything.  When they talk about these girls I end up saying what my parents would say to me, “boy you need to stop worrying about them girls and worry about your schoolwork.”  I actually mean that!  I used to get annoyed when my parents would say it and now I’M SAYING IT!  I’m so bad about it that I roll my eyes at these little girls flirting with my sons and I swear these little girls are fast in the pants.  lol  I need help! Recently I had lunch with my middle son at his school.  Sitting right beside him, a little too close if you ask me, was one of his female classmates.  Every time I would talk to him or anyone else at the table she’d add her two cents.  When I got to the car my sister says, “you know that little girl beside him was his girlfriend?”  Of course he didn’t tell me because as he told my sister, “mom might get mad”.   I never thought I’d see the day that I was the crazy, overprotective mother.  They’re my babies.  I look at them and still remember when I cradled them in my arms.  Every time I look at them I feel time is slipping away.  They’re quickly becoming young men not my little boys.  Now they are keeping things from me and I’m NOT the mom they can talk to about everything.  I need to make a better effort to listen and relate to them, so they will be comfortable coming to me.  I don’t want to be left out.