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Category Archives: Advice

Stop Pointing Fingers and Accept Responsibility


I recently watched “The Facebook Obsession” on CNBC.  In it they tried to cover the good, bad and ugly of Facebook.  Facebook is used to connect friends, family, co-workers, everyone.  I do not want to talk about all the technical and privacy issues with Facebook.  My beef is with the people who want to blame Facebook for ruining their lives.  On “The Facebook Obsession” they interviewed a woman who was fired from a high school she was employed at because of a post she put on her page.  This woman got on her Facebook page to complain about work and even went so far as to call the students and parents names and how glad she would be to move on.  She thought that her status update was only going to be seen by her friends and family.  She claims she had no idea that Facebook had changed the privacy settings and that now everyone could see what she posted.  REALLY LADY!  It is not Facebook’s fault that you ignorantly decided to rant about your job on an internet site!  You don’t know how to pick up a phone to discuss private matters like that.  You have a Doctorate, you are smart enough to know that regardless of what you “think” your settings are, when you conduct business on the internet “assume” everyone can see it.  Stop blaming Facebook and accept responsibility for your own actions.  I don’t know how you didn’t know the settings changed because I had a banner at the top of my screen when they changed and I changed mine.

I have seen news reports of couples talking about Facebook ruined my marriage or is the reason I got divorced.  NO, you are the reason your marriage was almost ruined or ended.  No one told you to get on Facebook and look up old flings or behave inappropriately.  YOU did that.  No one told you to click the “add friend” button on that guy or gal you had a crush on, YOU DID THAT.  What you not gonna do is sit there and act like you took no part in it and like Facebook “tempted” you.  You went looking for trouble and it found your behind.  Period point-blank.  You didn’t think you were gonna get caught.

Facebook is a tool.  Just like any tool it depends on whose hands it’s in.  You decide what you are going to do with it.  It has no ability to control how you interact with other people.  I am so sick of adults refusing to take responsibility for their actions.  I am SICK AND TIRED of people looking for everything else to blame except themselves.  While I’m talking about people wanting to blame outside forces for their stupidity, the same goes for these knuckleheads that want to blame Four Loko for them acting irrationally and doing stupid stuff under the influence.  It is not Four Loko’s fault that you want to consume an alcoholic beverage and think that you’re not going to do anything stupid.  PLEASE!  No one forced you to drink it.  You drink at your own risk.  Anytime you use any substance it is at your own risk.  You can’t come back later and blame the alcohol company cause you went streaking, felt sick, or blacked out.  COME ON PEOPLE! Get with the program.  Know your limits or better yet stop drinking.  It is time to start looking at yourselves and your own actions and just admit that you messed up, learn from it and move on.  I guess it takes stupid people to lead by example! (Now we know) lol<–stole that from my sister-in-law.  I’M JUST SAYING, DANG!!!

“Church-Folk” Rant


What I’m about to write about may offend some.  If you feel offended then I may be stepping on your toes.  Some of what I’m going to talk about most can relate to.  Others may be thinking “Oh no she didn’t”, well “yes I am”.  It is not my intention to be offensive but I really have to get this off of my chest.  There are some behaviors that some “church-folk” show that really tap my nerves.  I’m not talking about all of them but I am talking about the ones that really aren’t as genuine as they try to portray.  I have gathered this information from discussions I have had with various people and my own experiences.  I’m going to attempt to rant with love. 😀

First there are the ones that if you seek counsel or advice about a problem they want to question what your walk with Christ is like.  As if because you may not pray and read your word 24/7 or attend every function you have brought the problem upon yourself.  I have found that even if you do all of that and then some, problems are inevitable.  I know a lot of people in the church that pray, tithe, read and all that and still have gone through and are going through a great deal.  So the next time someone comes to you let’s not assume they don’t have any relationship or fellowship with the Lord.

The one’s that really get me going will hear a person express their need, looking for help, guidance or just a fresh pair of eyes to look at their circumstance, and they wanna say a quick superficial prayer and send them on their merry way.  I have seen people who are hungry asking for food and instead of offering a meal or directing them to a food pantry, they want to grab hands and pray that it gets better.  They send that starving person off with a prayer, love you so and so, God Bless, and stomach pains.  You have to invest more into people’s lives and really care about people.  Where there is a need you should do your best to fill the need.  Also, when someone confides in you and asks for prayer do not take it upon yourself to gossip to someone else, like you’re seeking more counsel on their behalf, if they did not ask you to do so.

Then there are the church-folk that when they hear about someone with an issue that they perceive to be abnormal and they’ve never heard of, the first thing they say is it’s the devil.  REALLY.  Just because you’ve never heard of it or seen it before and you think it’s wrong DOES NOT mean the devil has anything to do with it.  There are so many things people blame on the devil it is insane and absurd.

I do not for the life of me understand those that clearly have a medical issue refuse to seek the necessary medical attention because they are waiting on God.  God gave these doctors the knowledge and ability to help you.  Our bodies are like a complex machine and sometimes machines malfunction.  Sometimes it’s through normal wear and tear or not really listening and taking care of your body as you should.  You can pray and ask that the Lord anoint the hands and mind of the medical professional that you see but go see one.  It reminds me of the parable I heard I’m not sure who wrote it but it goes like this:

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

“No thanks,” he said. “I’m waiting for God to save me.”

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. “I’m waiting for God to save me,” he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

“Why did you let me die? Why didn’t you answer my prayers?”

“Dummy, I sent you two boats!” Author Unknown

Please, if you are having mental or emotional problems seek the proper help.  There is nothing wrong with getting help.  You are hurting yourself and those associated with you by being in denial.

I especially have no tolerance for those that look down on others that do not share the same belief.  We are ALL God’s children.  Just because a person does not believe what you believe does not give you the right to mistreat them and make them feel less than human.  It is wrong like racism.  Get to know and understand the background of others and if it isn’t right for you then fine don’t engage in their beliefs but don’t force yours on them and make them feel silly cause they’re not Christian.  Understanding and love will win others over before your constant berating them will.  The tone that many Christians take with “non-believers” is so harsh that this is the primary reason some refuse to even want to get to know the Lord.

Stop saying that you are “waiting on the Lord” to answer your prayer and you have not put any action to the word.  You cannot just sit in your house and expect a stranger and whatever to just fall in your lap.  I’m not saying it will not happen but it’s like winning the lottery, the odds aren’t that great.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

Finally there are the ones that want to judge everyone in the “world” and see that people within their congregation doing things that are worse than those in the “world” and will not say a word to them.  How you gonna tell someone who is homosexual they are going to hell when your fellow church member or pastor is doing the same?  It doesn’t make sense.  I have also come across those that self appoint themselves as ministers and in church behave one way and outside of it they’re hell-raisers.

I hope that I brought my point home and that it will cause some that are guilty of this to think twice.  Your actions will win someone to Christ before what you say.

 

SAY What You Mean


Far too often I hear women say, “he just doesn’t get a hint”.  My response is, “did you tell him”? Ladies just as we are not mind readers our men aren’t either.  You have to tell them what it is that you want from them.  These games that are played far too often will just leave you feeling unfulfilled.  If I hear, “well we’ve been together long enough he should know me”, again I’m going to SCREAM.  That is not true.

As we age we change and so does our taste.  Constant communication is key.  Show and tell him now and then what it is that you would like from him.  If you want him to surprise you more often, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to do the same for him.  I’ve learned from plenty of men, and my sons, that if they try something with you once and you complain, act disappointed, or nit-pick over every detail they are probably not going to try it again.  Realize that you are dealing with a real human being not your fantasy from a movie.  I grew up with only one brother, I had no idea that guys are just as sensitive as we are.  They don’t like to be rejected or feel like they can’t please you.  I’m not into having someone pine over me all the time and my husband knows that.  It would be silly of me to get upset with him for not showing me affection when I did not tell him I wanted it.  Whenever I want affection I tell him or show him, that I want a hug or cuddle.  Be happy that they are making an effort and want to please you.  If they aren’t making any efforts you may want to think back to the last time they did and you rejected them.  Now if you tell them or even show them what it is that you want and they still don’t deliver then you may need to sit and have a pow wow.  Counseling may be in order.  I’m talking about affection not material things. 😀 I’m just saying.

Friends With an Ex


Hello Ms. Tangled,
 
I was just thinking about what a shame it is that some people do not know how to be broken up! and I was wondering what your thoughts were on being friends with ex lovers??
 
anonymous

Dear anonymous,

Break ups are usually nasty to begin with.  There are a lot of hurt emotions that must be dealt with, if they were not resolved prior to the break up.  I believe that when a couple breaks up they should take some time to themselves to “regroup”.  There are those instances where an ex just hangs around and doesn’t quit get the hint that they’re actually not still together.  It screams desperate and a bit stalkerish.  I have heard far too often when people break up they use the classic line, “Let’s just be friends” but really.  If you were sexually involved with one another that may prove to be really difficult to uphold because that soul tie will always be there.  Especially if one should move on you really do not want your ex, now friend, hanging around. Talk about awkward.  I’m not saying that it isn’t possible to be friends with an ex.  I think once you are over those feelings for them it is totally possible.  Although I would advise that you both move on.  You don’t want to cause any further complications.

If you have children with an ex I feel that you definitely should try to be friends if not kosher with one another for the sake of the child.  You DO NOT want to constantly be fighting with one another about everything and every time the other calls.  You don’t have to just deal with this person until your child turns 18 but when they go to college, get married and have children.  The two of you are going to have to be in each others lives for, forever.  Why not make it peaceful for the sake of your child.  I feel that those that purposely create “drama” whether the father or mother still have an emotional attachment to the other that they are not ready to get over.  The drama maker only makes it worse for themselves because as that child gets older you may be the parent that they choose to leave out of their happiness because you always bring the “drama”. 

It’s surely is possible to be friends once you have dealt with those emotions and have moved on and know for certain that you don’t want to go back down that road with them.  I’m just saying. 🙂

The Dilemma…What Would You Do?


If you saw a friends’ significant other having an inappropriate relationship with someone else would you tell them?  Would you confront the significant other?  What would you do about it?  Vince Vaughn‘s most recent film entitled “The Dilemma” posed these same questions.  Vaughn’s character  trying to find right timing to tell his friend that his wife was having an affair.

I ask this because I found myself in a similar situation.  Someone I was good friends with had visitors at their home and I felt that one of the ladies was acting inappropriately by flirting with her husband.  Every time my friends’ attention was preoccupied she would say and do things that a person shouldn’t do with another persons mate.  Well I told her that I felt what I saw was wrong.  She confronted the woman and it was decided among them that it wasn’t like that and that I was wrong for saying anything.  Ultimately, she stopped speaking to me, is still friends with the other lady.  So, I say keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.  Even with the best intentions at heart it will not be appreciated that way.  When you get into people’s relationships it is a sticky subject and you’ll probably walk away looking like the bad guy.  I’m just saying!