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Author Archives: Natasha Evans

My Sister is Leaving Me


Me and my sister

Everyone that knows me knows that I do not like to get all mushy about my feelings and it is really rare for me to tell you how I feel.  I wanted to express to my sister, Whitney Dionne Ellis, how much I love her and of course I cannot tell her because I do not want to cry.  This is the best way I could think of to tell her and she will have a constant reminder.  This is for you sister.

Whitney,

I remember when mom brought you home.  I was so happy to have a sister.  For so long it was just me and Pumpkin, we both know how weird he is.  Seriously, we were great together but when you came I had someone just like me.  I immediately wanted to help take care of you and that’s what I did.  Every time we went anywhere you would scream your head off because you hated that car seat.  I would pick you up and hold you in my arms to get you to calm down.  (This was before they set the safety standards of course.)  I can remember dressing you and doing your hair.  As I got older you used to want to tag-a-long behind me and I hated that.  I did not understand that I was an example for you.  I promised myself that I would always take care of you.

You are a very beautiful young woman.  I am so thankful and grateful that you came to stay with me and I loved our time together.  I really appreciate your help in my time of need.  You are not just my sister but you’re my best friend.  Now that you are leaving for Indonesia with the Peace Corps, I am afraid.  You are going to be so far away, how will I be able to protect you?  I won’t be able to talk to you when I want.  Nevertheless, I am so proud of you for stepping out on faith and taking this journey in your life.  I was so supportive and excited for you when you decided to do this but know that the reality is setting in and the time is drawing near my heart is breaking.  I apologize for not being strong throughout.  I know that you will be fine and that you have an assignment to fulfill, not just with the Peace Corps.  I love you and you better Skype with me as often as you can.  I wanted to write so much more but I keep crying so I am going to stop.

Love,

Your Big Sis

What You Not Gonna Do Is…Part Deux


Cause some of y’all act like you don’t have any home training.  We gotta come behind your parents and re-raise you.  lol jk So here’s What You Not Gonna Do Is…Part Deux.  I have added a few from the suggestions I have gotten and given credit to the originator.  Enjoy!

What You Not Gonna Do Is…

1. Know someone is dead wrong but you find a reason why they still a good person, especially when you don’t even know them.  ie The momma who killed her kids.

2.  Not pay child support for the kids you got but keep making more babies!<—Sherita

3.  Wait ’til your child is 18 to tell the daddy or your husband that the child is not his.

4.  Hold up the gym equipment talking on your cell phone.  You came to the gym to workout not socialize.<—Darcy

5.  Have a conversation with people and because you have a New York accent you try to out talk EVERYBODY.

6.  As a grown woman you should not own, wear, or borrow any article of clothing that bears such sayings as “Baby Girl”, “Diva”, “Ghetto Fabulous”, “Sexy”, “Gold Digga”…you get my drift.

7.  Not tell your friend she looks a hot mess.

8.  Be over the age of 40 and have body piercings except for your ears.

9.  Be too matchy matchy.  You shouldn’t have a pink shirt, belt, headband, shoes and nails.

10.Wait ’til tax time to become a baller, knowing good and well you are gonna be back on Section 8 by April or having to return that mess.

11.Not wear a bra when you leave the house…no explanation needed.

12.Assume your man or woman can read your mind…let them know exactly what you want.

13. “Play dumb” solely for the purpose of flirting…it is not cute.

14. Hit a man without expecting negative repercussions or getting a concussion.  Keep your hands to yourself.

15. Force your children to have the talent you never had, then get mad cause they aren’t good at it.

16. Slash tires, bust windows, key the exterior, spray paint vulgar words on your mates vehicle-especially if you’re gonna help get the car fixed once you calm down.

17. Brag about how your man loves you cause he’s there when you need him, not acknowledging it’s because he doesn’t have a job nor a car.

18. Be divorced for years still trying to keep tabs on your ex by attempting to pick information from your grown children…it’s over, everyone knows except you.

19. Date an older person and then complain about how old they act.

20. Give your child a toy at the store to shut them up while you shop and then get rid of it before you check out…it’s child abuse. 😀 (I’ve done this lol)

21. Tell your children your new boyfriend is their uncle…this will only confuse them in the long run.

22. Try to carry on a bag that needs to be checked, holding up the plane.<—Whitney

23. Have a camel toe…check yourself woman!

24. Wear colored undergarmets under white…it’s tacky.

25. Date your friends ex cause they’re fine.

26. Attempt to sell something used for the new price.

27. Get married to someone you know slept around beforehand and be surprised when it happens in your marriage.

28. Use Facebook to rant about your job and wonder why you lost your job.

29. Be a man and think you control the remote to the TV.

30. Watch the food network, concoct a meal and then force someone to eat it…you’re not a gourmet chef.

31. Watch the food network knowing you don’t cook.

32. Go in debt buying everything from the infomercials…then be mad cause it doesn’t work like they said it should. SHAM-WOW!

33. Every-time you update your Facebook status it’s depressing.

34. Be mad at your mate for not getting you a Valentines gift but you get whatever you want every other day.

35. Keep your apartment dirty and scared to call the landlord to fix stuff cause you have to clean up.

36. Buy a bunch of junk you don’t need and not pay your rent or car payment… take care of home first.

37. When you see a tow truck in your neighborhood you automatically assume they coming to get your car.

38. Blame the teacher cause your child got a bad grade.

39. Live up North and complain about the snow…move!

40. Go to a remote location in the world where they have unheard of diseases and wonder how you got sick.

41. Dress your baby girl like a baby hooker and wonder why she’s pregnant at 11…you’re sending the wrong message.

42. Broadcast your business on Facebook and turn around and tell people to stay out of your business.

43. Rant about someone on Facebook and then use their initials like we don’t know who you talking about.

44. Ship your children off to their grandparents for the summer talking about they need some discipline.

45. Delete people on Facebook thinking you really hurting them in real life…get it together.

46. Blame the devil or God for everything bad that happens to you.

47. Make up your own religion.

48. Dress like you going to the club just to go to Wal-Mart.

49. Wear UGG boots in the summer.

50. Beg your man to hit you and when he does you call the cops.(Sounds unheard of but it happens. )

51. Use your children as leverage against their father…because it didn’t work out with you and the father you do not have the right to interfere in their relationship, GROW UP!

52. Have children for your financial gain.  ie, child support, section 8, etc.

53. Have children to trap a man.

54. Be rich acting like a hood rat on TV. (All the real housewives, baller wives, etc)

55. Yell across the mall or store at your friend.

56. Watch Forensic Files to educate yourself on how to commit a homicide and get away with it.

57. Sleep with everyone at your job and wonder why you’re not getting promoted.

58. Have an argument in public and tell everyone to mind they business.

59. Have your income tax check spent before you get it.

60. Pass gas, not say anything, and then apologize once someone smells it.

61. Blame your kids for your breakdown.

62. Stay up late and wonder why you are so tired. 😀

63. Butt in my conversation when no one is talking to you or called your name…nosey.

64. Use big words and not know what they mean.

65. Try everything celebrities tell you to try.

66. Influence me to try some illegals drugs cause it make you feel good.

67. Start experimenting with drugs as an adult like you don’t know any better…you already know the outcome.

68. Have grown children and not encourage them to be independent.

69. Do what they do in rap videos.

70. Live your life based on your horoscope predictions.

71. Think because you’re black and its black history month you can do and say what you want. ( Just telling you what I’ve seen and heard.)

72. Be rude to someone and you don’t even know them.

73. Use patio furniture inside the house like it’s a living room set.

74. Buy an electric car and be mad at the electric company  because your bill is too high.

75. Get a tattoo in remembrance of everybody you know that dies.

76. Yell at the actors during a movie like they can hear you. lol

77. Consider yourself someone’s friend and tell all their business to everyone behind their back…you are not their friend.

78. Spend Valentines day stalking your ex.

79. Go to the movies with your kids and break out ziplock bags of snacks. (I’ve done this)

80. Think everyone is out to steal your pin when you swipe your card at the store-you do realize they need the card number as well.

81. Call people while you are pooping…hello people can tell you’re in the bathroom. 😀

82. Hit someone and not expect them to hit you back.

83. Say and do hurtful things to your mate and wonder why they don’t want to be with you anymore…psst it’s because they can’t trust you with their most intimate emotions.

84. Be talking loud in public and get mad when someone tells you to shut up.

85. Steal something from someone and then floss it in front of them.

86. Tell your mate to get out and get mad when they pack their stuff and leave then beg them to stay…stop playing with people emotions, trying to control them.

87. When you leave, act like you forgot something just so you can come back. 😀

88. Spy on your ex through their family members.

89. Hide your vehicle cause you know you haven’t been making your payments.

90. Get mad cause you were eavesdropping on people and realize they were talking about you.

91. Come to my house blow up my toilet and leave stains…you nasty.

92. Get mad when you lose at a board game. rotflmbo(my family is so guilty of this…we HATE to lose even if it’s Trouble. :D)

93. Shoot someone over a game of Spades…people get mad when you renege. 😀

94. Try to pick up women in a minivan…go home to your wife and kids.

95. Think you look cool in your minivan.

96. Put 22″ rims on your minivan…it’s a family vehicle it looks just plain silly.

97. Try on new shoes with holes in your socks.

98. Let someone use your bathroom and you haven’t cleaned it…that’s why I wait ’til I get home.

99. Have expensive rims and sound system on your car when it’s falling apart.

100. Commit an offense that is going to end up on my next “What You Not Gonna Do Is…” list.

This is for entertainment purposes.  I hope you enjoyed it. 😉

Stop Pointing Fingers and Accept Responsibility


I recently watched “The Facebook Obsession” on CNBC.  In it they tried to cover the good, bad and ugly of Facebook.  Facebook is used to connect friends, family, co-workers, everyone.  I do not want to talk about all the technical and privacy issues with Facebook.  My beef is with the people who want to blame Facebook for ruining their lives.  On “The Facebook Obsession” they interviewed a woman who was fired from a high school she was employed at because of a post she put on her page.  This woman got on her Facebook page to complain about work and even went so far as to call the students and parents names and how glad she would be to move on.  She thought that her status update was only going to be seen by her friends and family.  She claims she had no idea that Facebook had changed the privacy settings and that now everyone could see what she posted.  REALLY LADY!  It is not Facebook’s fault that you ignorantly decided to rant about your job on an internet site!  You don’t know how to pick up a phone to discuss private matters like that.  You have a Doctorate, you are smart enough to know that regardless of what you “think” your settings are, when you conduct business on the internet “assume” everyone can see it.  Stop blaming Facebook and accept responsibility for your own actions.  I don’t know how you didn’t know the settings changed because I had a banner at the top of my screen when they changed and I changed mine.

I have seen news reports of couples talking about Facebook ruined my marriage or is the reason I got divorced.  NO, you are the reason your marriage was almost ruined or ended.  No one told you to get on Facebook and look up old flings or behave inappropriately.  YOU did that.  No one told you to click the “add friend” button on that guy or gal you had a crush on, YOU DID THAT.  What you not gonna do is sit there and act like you took no part in it and like Facebook “tempted” you.  You went looking for trouble and it found your behind.  Period point-blank.  You didn’t think you were gonna get caught.

Facebook is a tool.  Just like any tool it depends on whose hands it’s in.  You decide what you are going to do with it.  It has no ability to control how you interact with other people.  I am so sick of adults refusing to take responsibility for their actions.  I am SICK AND TIRED of people looking for everything else to blame except themselves.  While I’m talking about people wanting to blame outside forces for their stupidity, the same goes for these knuckleheads that want to blame Four Loko for them acting irrationally and doing stupid stuff under the influence.  It is not Four Loko’s fault that you want to consume an alcoholic beverage and think that you’re not going to do anything stupid.  PLEASE!  No one forced you to drink it.  You drink at your own risk.  Anytime you use any substance it is at your own risk.  You can’t come back later and blame the alcohol company cause you went streaking, felt sick, or blacked out.  COME ON PEOPLE! Get with the program.  Know your limits or better yet stop drinking.  It is time to start looking at yourselves and your own actions and just admit that you messed up, learn from it and move on.  I guess it takes stupid people to lead by example! (Now we know) lol<–stole that from my sister-in-law.  I’M JUST SAYING, DANG!!!

“Church-Folk” Rant


What I’m about to write about may offend some.  If you feel offended then I may be stepping on your toes.  Some of what I’m going to talk about most can relate to.  Others may be thinking “Oh no she didn’t”, well “yes I am”.  It is not my intention to be offensive but I really have to get this off of my chest.  There are some behaviors that some “church-folk” show that really tap my nerves.  I’m not talking about all of them but I am talking about the ones that really aren’t as genuine as they try to portray.  I have gathered this information from discussions I have had with various people and my own experiences.  I’m going to attempt to rant with love. 😀

First there are the ones that if you seek counsel or advice about a problem they want to question what your walk with Christ is like.  As if because you may not pray and read your word 24/7 or attend every function you have brought the problem upon yourself.  I have found that even if you do all of that and then some, problems are inevitable.  I know a lot of people in the church that pray, tithe, read and all that and still have gone through and are going through a great deal.  So the next time someone comes to you let’s not assume they don’t have any relationship or fellowship with the Lord.

The one’s that really get me going will hear a person express their need, looking for help, guidance or just a fresh pair of eyes to look at their circumstance, and they wanna say a quick superficial prayer and send them on their merry way.  I have seen people who are hungry asking for food and instead of offering a meal or directing them to a food pantry, they want to grab hands and pray that it gets better.  They send that starving person off with a prayer, love you so and so, God Bless, and stomach pains.  You have to invest more into people’s lives and really care about people.  Where there is a need you should do your best to fill the need.  Also, when someone confides in you and asks for prayer do not take it upon yourself to gossip to someone else, like you’re seeking more counsel on their behalf, if they did not ask you to do so.

Then there are the church-folk that when they hear about someone with an issue that they perceive to be abnormal and they’ve never heard of, the first thing they say is it’s the devil.  REALLY.  Just because you’ve never heard of it or seen it before and you think it’s wrong DOES NOT mean the devil has anything to do with it.  There are so many things people blame on the devil it is insane and absurd.

I do not for the life of me understand those that clearly have a medical issue refuse to seek the necessary medical attention because they are waiting on God.  God gave these doctors the knowledge and ability to help you.  Our bodies are like a complex machine and sometimes machines malfunction.  Sometimes it’s through normal wear and tear or not really listening and taking care of your body as you should.  You can pray and ask that the Lord anoint the hands and mind of the medical professional that you see but go see one.  It reminds me of the parable I heard I’m not sure who wrote it but it goes like this:

While out to sea, a large boat became shipwrecked and there was only a single survivor. This man prayed and asked God to save his life. Soon thereafter, another boat came by and offered the man some help.

“No thanks,” he said. “I’m waiting for God to save me.”

The men on the boat shrugged their shoulders and continued. As the man became more deeply concerned, another boat came by. Again, the people aboard offered this man some help, and again he politely decline. “I’m waiting for God to save me,” he said again.

After some time, the man began to lose his faith, and soon after that he died. Upon reaching Heaven, he had a chance to speak with God briefly.

“Why did you let me die? Why didn’t you answer my prayers?”

“Dummy, I sent you two boats!” Author Unknown

Please, if you are having mental or emotional problems seek the proper help.  There is nothing wrong with getting help.  You are hurting yourself and those associated with you by being in denial.

I especially have no tolerance for those that look down on others that do not share the same belief.  We are ALL God’s children.  Just because a person does not believe what you believe does not give you the right to mistreat them and make them feel less than human.  It is wrong like racism.  Get to know and understand the background of others and if it isn’t right for you then fine don’t engage in their beliefs but don’t force yours on them and make them feel silly cause they’re not Christian.  Understanding and love will win others over before your constant berating them will.  The tone that many Christians take with “non-believers” is so harsh that this is the primary reason some refuse to even want to get to know the Lord.

Stop saying that you are “waiting on the Lord” to answer your prayer and you have not put any action to the word.  You cannot just sit in your house and expect a stranger and whatever to just fall in your lap.  I’m not saying it will not happen but it’s like winning the lottery, the odds aren’t that great.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

Finally there are the ones that want to judge everyone in the “world” and see that people within their congregation doing things that are worse than those in the “world” and will not say a word to them.  How you gonna tell someone who is homosexual they are going to hell when your fellow church member or pastor is doing the same?  It doesn’t make sense.  I have also come across those that self appoint themselves as ministers and in church behave one way and outside of it they’re hell-raisers.

I hope that I brought my point home and that it will cause some that are guilty of this to think twice.  Your actions will win someone to Christ before what you say.

 

My Valentines Gift


As you already know Valentines day is this upcoming Monday.  Today I went and got my Valentines Day present from my husband.  This is the way he prefers to shop for me.   I’m never disappointed.  When my husband came home for lunch I thanked him for my new shoes “he” got me.  ;D He didn’t ask what kind “he” got me or even want to look at them.  This evening we were preparing to leave to do our grocery shopping.  I sat at the foot of our bed to put my shoes on and he stops mid-sentence, gives me a strange look and says “when the hell did you get those Coach shoes”?  😀 I couldn’t help but laugh and take a picture of his face looking at my gift from him. Now how is he going to question my gift seeing as “he” was the one that got them for me.  lol Then he goes on to ask “how much did “I” pay for those shoes”?  I told him they were on sale.  I should mention that everything I buy is on sale. 😉 I needed a pair of black shoes to match my black Coach bag.  That made perfect sense to me so I had to get ’em.  After he heard the price, since I got them from the PX, he was alright and we went to get our groceries.  Needless to say, I now have to get him a gift of equal or greater value.  😀  Funny how I have to get both of our gifts.  Yes I’m spoiled if that’s what you’re thinking.  I know it and I don’t deny it.  I’m the only woman in my house and the men in my life adore me just as I adore them.  BTW he had to know that I was gonna get new shoes considering I just gave a trashbag full to Goodwill. 🙂

I almost got into trouble

Childs Best Interest


Halle Berry has been in the news lately because she is in a custody battle with her daughter’s father.  I do not know all the details in this very personal issue but I personally know about custody issues. 

I got pregnant with my oldest son, now 13, at 16 years old.  As you can imagine I was very afraid.  I juggled between keeping him or giving him up for adoption.  When I finally decided to keep my baby I told his father that no matter what happens between us that I would never keep him away from his son.  After I graduated from high school we married and I joined the military.  My son stayed with his father and my parents throughout my training and part of my first duty station.  During my time away from my husband I reflected on our relationship.  I went through a lot of mistreatment through the years with him and was afraid to experience that with him for the rest of my life.  About a year after being married I decided that I didn’t want to be married to him.  We divorced and I brought my son overseas with me.  About a year after my divorce I married my current husband.  I later got out of the military and my husband was stationed in El Paso, where my family resides.

Through the years my son would visit back and forth with his father.  In the beginning our communications with one another were filled with yelling and sometimes name calling.  We gradually learned how to better communicate to be able to parent our son together.  Our son even stayed the school year with his father during his 2nd and 4th grade school years.  During this time our communication became a lot better.  We would talk about any and everything.  One could even go so far as to say we were friends.  Whenever my ex-husband wanted to see his son all he had to do was call.  No matter if he paid child support or not, no matter if it was his scheduled visitation, anytime, all he had to do was call.  Things were good, or so I thought.

Shortly after I gave birth to my baby boy and was released from the hospital, in February 2007, I was served custody papers.  My son was already staying with his dad for his 4th grade year.  My ex-husband gave me no sign that this was coming.  He changed his numbers and ceased contact with me.  I thought I was going to die, that I would never see my son again.  All these years I thought I was doing what was best for not just my son but also his father who loved him very much, I was being sued for custody.  Unbeknownst to me, when you have primary custody and you allow your child to live with the other parent for 6 months or longer you automatically lose your custody to the other parent.  During this time he even claimed that our home was unstable because of the military and having to move.  Needless to say I was hurt and wanted my son back.  During this time I grew very angry and bitter with his father for being so underhanded to me after all that I had done for him to maintain his relationship with his son and he pulled this.  The judge granted custody back to me and my son returned home in the summer of 2007. 

In the beginning after the case my ex stopped calling our son and asking to visit with him.  My son grew angry and I couldn’t stand to see him like that.  I called his dad and left a message telling him that no matter what we go through he needs to continue to be there for his son. (Something like that, I was still angry with him myself)  His dad gradually started coming back around.  We eventually worked through our differences and he apologized for what he did to me.  Things were looking up.  My son would visit his father when it was scheduled. 

In 2008 my husband deployed to Afghanistan.  It was a difficult time for our family.  My oldest son was having problems in school and was fighting a lot.  In early 2009 we received orders to PCS to South Carolina.  I told our children.  None of them were happy about moving to South Carolina and they all wanted to stay in Texas.  My oldest son was especially upset about this possible move. He didn’t want to leave his friends.  He asked me if he could stay with his dad during this move and I told him no.  I wasn’t going to be sued again, I thought to myself.  He was angry with my decision and really started acting out.  He kept acting out and wouldn’t listen to anything I asked of him.  It got so bad that I had to consider that staying with his father was probably best.  

I finally gave in because I didn’t know what else to do.  I had to remove myself from the situation and put myself in my son’s shoes.  He kept asking me why couldn’t he stay with his dad.  I had to really sit there and ponder that question.  This is his father, his other parent, not a stranger.  Could he really not parent his son just because we weren’t together?  Is living with mom always best?  I called his dad and asked him if it was he would alright with him if our son stayed with him and of course he said it was fine with him. 

 As the summer approached and time grew near for my husband to return, my son grew anxious and acting out even more.  He was staying out passed his curfew and defying everything I said.  I called his father and told him that if our son didn’t straighten up he wasn’t going to stay with him.  My son heard what was said and became furious.  He lunged and attacked me.  At this time he was taller and bigger than me.  I never thought I would see that day that I would have to fight my son.  He finally calmed down and the MPs confined him to his room until his dad arrived to pick him up from Dallas, which was three hours away from where we resided. 

My son is now living with his father and doing well.  He’s not getting into so much trouble and he’s making good grades.  My heart aches for him everyday but I know that he is where he needs to be.  I recently visited with  him and went to his football games, which he is great at.  He is so tall and becoming an amazing young man.  He is a bit on the selfish side but it’s the teen years so I’m sure this is a phase and he will grow out of it. 

I had to learn that what is best for your child is not always what you want.  What’s best for a child is to have both of their parents, even if they’re not together.  It is really hard on them when their parents aren’t together.  I watched and listened to my son so desperately want his parents together like his siblings.  No matter how great our homes were and filled with love, he always felt and still feels out-of-place.  I don’t know how to help him with those feelings but I know as he gets older and gains a better understanding he will be fine.  His father and I keep reassuring him that he is loved by so many people.  As parents we have to put our feelings aside and do what is best for our children so they can be as happy as possible.  I’m just saying.

Commenting


I love to engage in healthy debate/discussions.  I enjoy viewing the world through other people’s’ eyes.  I have an open mind.  I do have my own moral set and standards that I live by but I in no way try to impose them on others.  It has always been in me to express myself and I usually have to have the last word.  Bad habit I know.  🙂 My goal with this site is to take everyday issues/topics and have grown up exchange with one another.  I know that everyone will not agree with what I say and I can agree to disagree.  When commenting I want you to be mindful and respectful of others and to keep an open mind.  Now let’s get tangled up in some discussions.