I collaborated with my husband and sister-in-law to come up with 100 offenses people commit everyday. This is meant for fun. Enjoy.
What you not gonna do is…
1. Talk to me like you crazy! Or better yet Talk to me like I’m crazy!
2. Be mad cause they don’t make movies on VHS.
3. Ask me to borrow money to pay a bill after you blew your money on crap.
4. Walk around with your hair done and your child’s head looks a hot mess.
5. Flirt with my man in my face then acknowledge me when you’re finished like I was never there.
6. Leave one slice of bread in the bag.
7. Park in the spot you know I park in everyday since I moved in.
8. Have short hair one week and long hair the next, talking about it’s yours.
9. Talk through the whole movie.
10. Ask for a ride and don’t offer me gas money.
11.Meet a woman who already has children and they’re calling you daddy within a month.
12.Return an item back to Wal-Mart that you didn’t even buy there.
13.Pay for your stuff with a bunch of pennies while there is a long line behind you.
14.Sing in public when you know you can’t sing.
15.Use the bathroom and not wash your hands.
16.Be a woman with a full mustache and beard.
17.Blame McDonald’s for your weight gain.
18.Blame Four Loko for you doing stupid stuff.
19.Have your child swimming in a pamper.
20.Wear sandals without a pedicure.
21.Wear shoes that are too small for your feet.
22.Wear clothes two sizes too small.
23.Be dark skinned and put on lighter makeup.
24.Buy your child clothes 3 sizes too big, talking bout he’s going to grow into them.
25.Blame TSA for feeling you up when YOU denied the X-Ray body scan.
26.Get in the line to pay for something knowing you don’t have enough money and act like you don’t know why your card got declined.
27.Go to the store in your pajamas and wonder why everyone is looking at you funny.
28.Drive an Escalade and pay for your gas in quarters.
29. Walk around with capris on and snow boots.
30.Wear courderoys in the summer.
31.Dress your dog better than you dress your kids.
32.Call my house phone and ask where I’m at.
33.Have your kids running around the store like it’s an amusement park.
34.Keep your Christmas lights up year round and have the nerve to turn ’em on.
35.Cut me off on the highway and then slowdown.
36.Have a bootleg handbag and lie and say you brought it from the store.
37.Wear socks with sandals.
38.Have 8 people in your family and live in a two bedroom apartment.
39.Start drama and sit back and act like you’re the innocent one.
40.Talk mess when you know you can’t fight then threaten the person by telling them you’re gonna call your cousins.
41.Go out in public when your head looks a hot mess.
42.Keep braids in too long with your new growth growing into a mini afro.
43.Wear a sleeveless top when you haven’t shaved under your arms.
44.Have funky breath and be all in my face.
45.Text while driving.
46.Be 9 months pregnant in the club.
47.Be pregnant and not know your due date.
48.Drive around with 3 rims and a donut.
49.Ask to borrow 3 dollars for gas.
50.Ask to borrow something, not give it back and then claim it’s yours.
51.Say negative stuff about your mate and still be with them.
51.Be 30 years old living with your momma talking about it’s cause you’re in college.
52.Have 5 kids and 3 different baby daddies.
53.Catch a wild animal and claim you gonna tame it like a pet.
54.Get a crackhead to work on your car for a beer and when it breaks down get mad at the crackhead.
55.Buy a bootleg movie and get mad when someone stands up and you can’t see.
56.Have your hair rainbow colors and wonder why you can’t get a job.
57.Wear a V-neck and powder still on your chest.
58.Be a jay-walker, and when you almost get hit look back at me with an attitude.
59.Go to the gym stretch and leave.
60.Go jogging with a black hoodie and ski mask.
61.Eat off my plate.
62.Get a haircut with a head full of dandruff.
63.Be 30 years old with a grill in your mouth.
64.Use the PS3 as a babysitter.
65.Have a gay friend and when you introduce them to someone you say, “this is my gay friend…”
66.Tell people you graduated from high school and you don’t have proof.
67.Buy expensive stuff so you can pawn it later.
68.Have 65inch flat screen in a trailer.
69.Have expensive stuff in a section 8 apartment.
70.Make a road trip knowing you don’t have enough gas money.
71.Be loud in the library.
72.Claim you have a degree and say no one with hire you because you’re overqualified.
73.Be a part-time Christian. In the club on Saturday and church on Sunday.
74.Wear your club clothes to church on Sunday.
75.Reach in the collection plate for change.
76.Be ugly and swear you’re cute.
77.Take communion and ask for more wine.
78.Catch the Holy Ghost and bump into everybody or to show off your new dance.
79.Be married and your boyfriend live with y’all.
80.Be cheering for the criminals on Cops.
81.Be a judge on American Idol when you can’t sing either.
82.Rent rims and tires.
83.Lie to me and then make up a lie to cover that lie.
84.Try to sell me bootleg perfume in the Wal-Mart parking lot.
85.Use dish detergent to wash your car.
86.Wash styrofome plates.
87.Start cleaning up when company come over.
88.Be 40 years old dressing like your child.
89.Have sex unprotected with multiple partners and wonder why you got a STD.
90.Be a Christian and hate everyone who isn’t Christian.
91.Have a car and put the car logo in the back window.
92.Put everyones name in your family on your back window.
93.Stalk me on Facebook.
94.Blame Facebook for breaking up your marriage.
95.Rob your neighbor and then invite them over to watch the game on their TV.
96.Wait til your child turns 18 and then claim it ain’t yours.
97.Have TVs in your car and you’re single with no children.
98.Make your child dance for company.
99.Order a super sized meal and ask for a diet drink.
100.Get mad ’cause half of the stuff on the list is about you! I’M JUST SAYING!
*Send me your suggestions for “What You Not Gonna Do” for an upcoming Top 100 list. 🙂