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Friends…who needs ’em?

So I’m talking on the phone with a long time friend and we begin discussing how as you get older and more content with being by yourself you have less tolerance for things you use to put up with when you were younger.  Toxic friends and our little pet peeves about friendships that’s what I want to share.

Years ago I got to know a lady through my children‘s football league.  In the beginning we hit it off well but the relationship gradually started to change for the worse.  My children really didn’t get along with her children and they would get irritated when I told them they were coming over.  Anytime she would call me it was always hey girl what you doing today, tomorrow, next week.  She had my days planned for me before I could plan them and she wasn’t one that understood NO.  Gradually I had to stop answering her calls until she finally left me alone.  You may say was cruel or wrong.  I say, I had to get away from her and fast.  I’m just saying.

Then there are the friends that always want you to come and see them.  They never come to your house you always have to make the trip to their home. It’s more convenient for them if you get off your butt and visit.   My biggest pet peeve are the one’s that YOU make plans to hang out with your children or one another together and at the last-minute they ALWAYS have a reason why they can’t make it BUT when THEY make the plans you better jump and do what they have planned.

I definitely hate when someone calls me and most of the conversation is filled with them talking to EVERYONE in the background.  Hey you knew you were busy when you called me, call me back when it’s not so hectic.

Now I know I’m not perfect and I try not to be the offender.  If I am please bring it to my attention so it can get fixed.  All I’m saying is please try to be the best friend you can be because if not who needs ya.  I’m just saying.


About Natasha Evans

Born and raised Texas gal. Mother of four wonderful boys. Proud Army wife. I love to engage in the world around me.

13 responses »

  1. Friends can be worse than enemies. I’m right there with you about friends calling and then having conversations in the background. Why call? I detest the hpone enough, why do this to me on top of making me talk on the phone?! I also tend to, inadvertently of course, attract “friends” that are crazier than a loon! They talk about anyone and everyone. I have learned it’s almost easier to not have friends. I’m not the most social person, but I’m a very loyal friend. Meaning, if I’m your friend, I’m there for you through thick or thin. I’ve got your back on anything — even if I think you’re wrong. I’ll not talk behind your back, but I’ll talk to you about it in private. I try to be … oh I don’t know.. an adult about it 🙂

    • Lin we were brought together by a rather odd and controversial subject, Oprah and her network :D, but boy am I glad that we have become friends. I too tend to attract some that are crazier than a bed bug. I am a very blunt and to the point type of person and I also will talk to people in private about issues. Some people cannot handle my blunt and to the point attitude and they write me off. When I say you’re my friend I care for you deeply like family and only want the best for you.

  2. Well..i have stopped talking to alot of friends because they couldnt meet me half way with calling and visiting but hey when they figure out that they have to put in the same effort as i do then we can pick up where we left off. Alot of my friends are not in the same situation as me so they dont understand that i have responsibility outside of our friendship like my kids and my husband! If we are genuine friends then it will be nuthin but loyalty till death so there is still time to mend the relationships….whenever or if-ever they are ready to get back on track then they know how to make that happen…simple as that!

  3. Tasha, first let me stat by saying this is a very good way to get things off your chest(venting).I can relate to the same problems with friends. I had a friend who had one child and a husband, as you know I have 2 and a husband and we both go to school plus we have family time we all need that for the kids and then your personnal time and conversations. Well being that she had one child things was so easy for her. All the time she wanted to go here and there well I cant do all of that being that I am always busy my free time was family time. I think the thing is people want to be your friends but just to have someone to keep company for just the time being. They dont care what you gotta do they mostly care about them and there needs and what time they gotta be back in. I hate ta say this but friends that try and micromanage you dont last an I am learning that as I get older.I’m like you the true friends atleast that we do have weather they are near or far away you still can pick up where you left off at and enjoy them.

    • Thanks Tami for you support and response. Man we go back to high school…that’s a long time. I’ve know too many people that get bent out of shape trying to please their friends and family. For me it’s simple, family wins everytime. Especially being military families our time together is not always guaranteed. I got fed up with always being the one giving my all into what turned out to be one-sided relationships. Used and abused. Now I put me and mine first and I’m much happier.

      • Yes, we do go way back an look, way back with no problems :). Whenever we would run into each other we would have our chats up a storm but still stay focused on the family. I have always been that way my family, my family always wins my time. And you know I feel like if you and I are family :). One thing I want to say is never be mad for losing, a friend because your family will always need you more regardless, of how hard it may be you know your kids aint going nowhere without you and as for your husband he will always be on your side thats why he married you:)not only a husband a best friend as well. I am in agreeance with you on military life, we use every bit of family time there is an I truley love it.

  4. Now everyone you may hang out with are not your friends . The ones that loan you money, pick you up when your stuck somewhere, make a big deal when you reach a goal you set. In other words a friend is there when no one else want to have anything to do with you. I doute that many of is have a lot of them, the ones you do have take care of that relationship. I am just saying:) Do your thing baby!

    • Now I’m crying. Thanks for your support, it really means a lot. Shannon, you’ve been a dear friend to me for over a decade. lol More like a sister oftentimes like a mom. You definately hit the nail on the head. We’ve been through the good, the bad and the ugly and we’re still together. You know I’m gonna make it do what it do. I’m just saying. 🙂

  5. I liked this. Real friends have been in short supply here at Fort Jackson. Here,I have….none (though I’m just starting to meet new people, and I can see many of them becoming true friends!) And I think I’ve been scared to make friends here, because I’ve been burned in the past, and the few people I had met always wanted me to put them in front of my husband and kids! Sorry, NOT happening!

    • Tell me about it. It’s been very difficult here, even with my neighbors. I’ve just enrolled my sons in CYS and I plan to start attending different functions here on base to get to mingle with others, especially the Spouse Forum.

  6. There’s so much I could say about this one. Let me just say that I am learning a lot about friendship. As I come into my own I am starting to realize the things that I will and will not tolerate from others who call me and I call “friend.” People will surprise you and I am realizing I’ve place priority on the wrong people. Sometimes the people you least expect turn out to be the ride or dies and the opposite. Once again, you live and you learn.


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